by Susan Palmes-Dennis
WHAT do you expect when you see girls and women meet and engage in deep conversation? What do you think are they talking about especially if you know they’re married?
It would be safe to say they’re talking about family most of the time especially about their husbands and their marriages.
I would like to share with you the stories of four women but out of respect for their privacy I will withhold their names and other details that may identify them including places.
My story is not of course about feminism, porn or any other topic but the enigma and the dilemma of women’s emotions and wants which until now are suppressed because of how society views it.
For now, let’s call them W1, W2, W3 and W4. During a group conversation, I started with a soft question directed at W1: How many kids do you have?
Natural contraception
W1 said she has two and she immediately muttered that her husband wants another child. She told us she doesn’t want a child anymore since it is hard to hire a nanny in the US and she would end up hiring another nanny to care for her children.
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| Source: WN.com |
“Good if we are still in the Philippines,” she said to which W2, W3 and W4 agreed. W1 then began mentioning that her husband still wants sex and so she uses contraception.
When I asked what kind of contraception she uses, she said she uses natural contraception.
I clarified, “does that mean you aren’t into safe sex?” W1 said “No..I put the two kids in the middle of the bed.” “
Are you kidding me? Would that work?,” I asked to which she replied yes, that’s what she is doing right now.
Lock the door
Responding to W1’s story, W2—without anyone asking her—shared that she locks herself up in the toilet whenever she showers or bathes.
I asked why, are you not secured in your house? Are you cold? “Oh, he likes to see me taking showers and he wants another kid too. So the doors are locked,” W2 said.
Is that okay with him, I ask. “It doesn’t matter because I take a shower or bath when he’s at work,” W2 said. What if he is around, I ask. She answered “then I have to lock the door and secure it,” she replied.
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| Source: foxnews.com |
I admit that I was surprised by that one. Not to be outdone, W3 shared that she is a fulltime mother and at the end of the day, she is just exhausted from working at home. All she wanted to do is watch TV and sleep.
W3 admitted that when her husband wants to make love, she would pass. W3 also said she has been faking her orgasms, which caught me by surprise since I know her to some extent.
Liberal world
W4 was the most satisfied of the four women, I think because she was comfortable with her husband and talked about what they do for foreplay. We then talked these things over.
I realize that even in an increasingly liberal world, there are still people or women who wouldn’t discuss openly about sex in or outside marriage especially Filipino women who are raised as conservative Catholics.
Because of their religious upbringing, Filipino women believe in a shared responsibility between them and their husbands and they want to talk about how many children they want to have.
The problem comes when either husband or wife wants another child and the other doesn’t for a host of reasons like in W1’s case. By using her kids as a shield or “natural conception”, she’s denying her husband and maybe herself as well.
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| Source: www.ucg.org |
W2 clearly doesn’t want another kid and as to how long she can keep the bathroom door locked I don’t know.
As to W3, I find it most difficult and surprising because I don’t know how she was unable to achieve orgasm despite having children.
So I guess it isn’t correct for me and others to assume that a woman achieves full womanhood because she has children, based on the accounts of the three women. I can only congratulate W4 because she appears to be contented.
I only advised W3 to talk to her husband and doctor. She is doing a disservice to herself if she would continue faking orgasms or simply agreeing to sex only to please the husband.
(Susan Palmes-Dennis is a veteran journalist from Cagayan de Oro City, Misamis Oriental, Northern Mindanao in the Philippines who works as a nanny in North Carolina. This page will serve as a venue for news and discussion on Filipino communities in the Carolinas. Visit and read her website at www.susanpalmes-dennis.simplesite.com. Read her blogs on susanpalmesstraightfrom the Carolinas.com. These and other articles also appear at http://www.sunstar.com.ph/author/2582/susan-palmes-dennis.
You can also connect with her through her Pinterest account at http://www.pinterest.com/pin/41025046580074350/) and https://www.facebook.com/pages/Straight-from-the-Carolinas-/494156950678063)
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