Sex and procreation for some Filipino-American women

by Susan Palmes-Dennis

WHAT do you expect when you see girls and women meet and engage in deep conversation? What do you think are they talking about especially if you know they’re married?

It would be safe to say they’re talking about family most of the time especially about their husbands and their marriages.

I would like to share with you the stories of four women but out of respect for their privacy I will withhold their names and other details that may identify them including places. 

My story is not of course about feminism, porn or any other topic but the enigma and the dilemma of women’s emotions and wants which until now are suppressed because of how society views it. 

For now, let’s call them W1, W2, W3 and W4. During a group conversation, I started with a soft question directed at W1: How many kids do you have? 

Natural contraception

W1 said she has two and she immediately muttered that her husband wants another child.  She told us she doesn’t want a child anymore since it is hard to hire a nanny in the US and she would end up hiring another nanny to care for her children. 

Source: WN.com

“Good if we are still in the Philippines,” she said to which W2, W3 and W4 agreed. W1 then began mentioning that her husband still wants sex and so she uses contraception. 

When I asked what kind of contraception she uses, she said she uses natural contraception. 

I clarified, “does that mean you aren’t into safe sex?” W1 said  “No..I put the two kids in the middle of the bed.” “

Are you kidding me? Would that work?,” I asked to which she replied yes, that’s what she is doing right now. 

Lock the door

Responding to W1’s story, W2—without anyone asking her—shared that she locks herself up in the toilet whenever she showers or bathes.

I asked why, are you not secured in your house? Are you cold? “Oh, he likes to see me taking showers and he wants another kid too. So the doors are locked,” W2 said.

Is that okay with him, I ask. “It doesn’t matter because I take a shower or bath when he’s at work,” W2 said. What if he is around, I ask. She answered “then I have to lock the door and secure it,” she replied. 

Source: foxnews.com

I admit that I was surprised by that one. Not to be outdone, W3 shared that she is a fulltime mother and at the end of the day, she is just exhausted from working at home. All she wanted to do is watch TV and sleep.

W3 admitted that when her husband wants to make love, she would pass. W3 also said she has been faking her orgasms, which caught me by surprise since I know her to some extent.

Liberal world

W4 was the most satisfied of the four women, I think because she was comfortable with her husband and talked about what they do for foreplay. We then talked these things over. 

I realize that even in an increasingly liberal world, there are still people or women who wouldn’t discuss openly about sex in or outside marriage especially Filipino women who are raised as conservative Catholics.

Because of their religious upbringing, Filipino women believe in a shared responsibility between them and their husbands and they want to talk about how many children they want to have.

The problem comes when either husband or wife wants another child and the other doesn’t for a host of reasons like in W1’s case. By using her kids as a shield or “natural conception”, she’s denying her husband and maybe herself as well.

Source: www.ucg.org

W2 clearly doesn’t want another kid and as to how long she can keep the bathroom door locked I don’t know. 

As to W3, I find it most difficult and surprising because I don’t know how she was unable to achieve orgasm despite having children. 

So I guess it isn’t correct for me and others to assume that a woman achieves full womanhood because she has children, based on the accounts of the three women. I can only congratulate W4 because she appears to be contented.

I only advised W3 to talk to her husband and doctor. She is doing a disservice to herself if she would continue faking orgasms or simply agreeing to sex only to please the husband.

(Susan Palmes-Dennis is a veteran journalist from Cagayan de Oro City, Misamis Oriental, Northern Mindanao in the Philippines who works as a nanny in North Carolina. This page will serve as a venue for news and discussion on Filipino communities in the Carolinas. Visit and read her website at www.susanpalmes-dennis.simplesite.com. Read her blogs on susanpalmesstraightfrom the Carolinas.com. These and other articles also appear at http://www.sunstar.com.ph/author/2582/susan-palmes-dennis.

You can also connect with her through her Pinterest account at http://www.pinterest.com/pin/41025046580074350/) and https://www.facebook.com/pages/Straight-from-the-Carolinas-/494156950678063)

My father's story

My father and I at a gathering

by Susan Palmes-Dennis

These past few days I’m up by 5 am because I am required to report to school at 6:45 a.m. Wait—this isn’t about my work schedule. This article is about my father since the annual Father’s Day celebration is just around the corner on June 15.

The other day, while at bed, I heard my name called and I answered yes.  My husband Ron who stirred also asked if someone called me. Then it dawned on me that it must have been my father.

I got up and checked on my email and Facebook page and thank God there was no unusual message from my daughter.  You see, my 84-year-old father Simeon Barros Naelga has been in and out of the hospitals the past few months.

He had tricked the Grim Reaper so many times I lost count myself. When I do visit him at the hospital, he was sitting upright in bed, smiling at me.

According to my baby sister Aida Naelga Pacana, “Tatay (Father) is weak as a baby. His kidney is affected and he’s losing his eyesight.” I told her over the phone that she shouldn’t worry.

Prized possessions

“He might be weak as a baby but I bet his grip is still strong,” I told her. My father, who turned 84 last April, refused to surrender when times were really bad such as when he was unemployed.

I am honored to introduce him to friends. My father Simeon Barros Naelga  is the son of Felix “Ingge” Quilang Naelga and Concolacion Barros.  Born and raised in Tagoloan town, Misamis Oriental, he completed sixth grade and reached first year at St. Mary’s High school, now St. Mary’s Academy.

He told us his children that he was a man of all trades and I agreed. He fished, drove and did carpentry. He loves music and music embraced him (his version of All of Me and Hello Dolly are the best) and his singing is still music to my ears.

He can play guitar, ukulele, banjo and harmonica and he can sing classics or a lullaby he made up himself. All these musical instruments are still in the house and aged like him and remain his prized possessions along with his children and grandchildren.

He is funny and can draw laughter out of everything good or bad. Politics is his forte and economics second. I am amazed how a first year high school student like him can talk and absorb the news.

Simple life

I was told that Grade Six graduates before World War 2 can teach.  It was a different time then. Like his friends and contemporaries, he drinks from time to time, maybe more.

He’s drunk during Saturdays with his friends, most of whom are now in heaven. On weekends,  he is a vocalist in the neighborhood band or the “Tumba baso (drinking spree)” at Evangelista Street.

He plays the guitar along with Nato Sanches in the banjo, Iyo Mading Abellanosa and others whom I forgot. Iyo Andres Sanchez hung around but wasn’t part of their band. It was a simple life then and my father hung around the store of Iya Puring Pacheco a lot.

But he is still the best father even if his children fail him at times or if he failed due to his imperfections. I love him and miss him. How I wish I am with him these days.

Now he is wrinkled and withering like a dying plant. I reckon that was all those years of hard work.  He has been unwell for years and he’s having prostate woes. 

Listener

I had the privilege of taking care of him since I went back to live with him for two years before leaving for US.

He is blessed to still be living even if his prognosis wasn't good (A miracle). I told him there must be a reason for that. It was in recent years that we became closer; no more fear between father and child but between two equals.

No more arguments; I was more of a listener of his long litany about life and recollection of what Tagoloan town in Misamis Oriental, northern Mindanao, Philippines was then.

World War I1 remains fresh to him; he was eight years old when the war broke out and the rich river of Tagoloan town played a role on his young age.

The names of Rev. Father Peter Wang, and priests like Fr. Moji and other names run forth from his mouth, their names remembered like street names in Tagoloan. 

He has spoken about riding a”balsa”(a raft made of bamboo) from Tabok (Sta Cruz to Tagoloan town) with his father Lolo (Grandpa) Ingee  piloting it and him as the assistant.

Jungle philosopher

My father mentioned about his teacher the late Gonzala Lim Chaves who called him a ”jungle philosopher.” He didn't elaborate why he was called that but I had the feeling why.

Dr. Hernando “Nandy” Emano was his classmate; when I became alumni president of St. Mary’s High school, Dr. Nandy spoke well of my Tatay.

He never tires of telling one story after another from sunrise to sundown and I remembered a saying that the mark of one’s old age is when he or she talks too much. From what I can recollect, this is his life story:

He was employed with the Philippine Packing Corp. now Del Monte as a hauler driver. It was during this time that my awareness of “Capri” Giants came to.

He recalled that that his truck was kicked by a tall man near Mangima Canyon. 

The story made an impression on me. A strike at the PPC that he joined ended with him jobless and he refused help from Mrs. Bibanco despite the prodding of mother.

Like carpentry

He started farming and harvested cabbage, tomatoes and some camote (sweet potatoes). He told me he never regretted joining the labor strike; he said a man should stand by what he believed was right.

He toiled every day always doing something with his hands. He said a man’s honesty is measured by the calluses on his hands. I agree.

He debates with passion and only loses if the opponent is my mother. He mentioned once that his favorite cousin was Tio Cosme Ejem at Mojon.

He is very good in numbers; actually he was my first teacher in Arithmetic (Apologies to Ray Abejo). I first learned the multiplication table by heart and I also learned from him that life, like carpentry, should be measured twice and cut once.

He is good in math and evidence of that, he claims, is his weekly winnings  in “masiao”  a local numbers game.

Lessons

When I worked in a local broadcast station, he always asked the station employees if they had any “hearing” about the latest number combinations and he would tabulate these and place his numbered bets at the lottery office.

True enough, he won. Don’t ask me if he won the Philippine lottery, it would prolong my tribute (lol).

Now that he is alone and I am far from him, I missed our talks. I remembered him saying he doesn’t want to be buried beside my mother should his time come.

When asked why, he said he wants peace and silence and knowing my mother I know his reasons for wanting so.

It is with fondness that I remember my father ahead of Father’s Day because I am away from him. I remembered when he was so sick that he doesn’t want to close his eyes.

He is poor but he’s rich in character and spirit; he taught us, his children, that one’s life journey may be replete with trials but that we should hang on and overcome. As his daughter, I thank him for his lessons.

My father with his trusty guitar and the family

(Susan Palmes-Dennis is a veteran journalist from Cagayan de Oro City, Misamis Oriental, Northern Mindanao in the Philippines who works as a nanny in North Carolina. This page will serve as a venue for news and discussion on Filipino communities in the Carolinas. Visit and read her website at www.susanpalmes-dennis.simplesite.com. Read her blogs on susanpalmesstraightfrom the Carolinas.com. These and other articles also appear at http://www.sunstar.com.ph/author/2582/susan-palmes-dennis.

You can also connect with her through her Pinterest account at http://www.pinterest.com/pin/41025046580074350/) and https://www.facebook.com/pages/Straight-from-the-Carolinas-/494156950678063)

Remembering our veterans on Memorial Day

                                     Rommel Olarte leading the singing of the Philippine anthem

by Susan Palmes-Dennis

In the US, we remember the men and women who died while serving in the US Armed Forces.

It's called Memorial Day and it is a federal holiday which means no work and for most Americans, an extended vacation.

Many people visit cemeteries and memorials, particularly to honor those who died in military service. Many volunteers place an American flag on each grave even to those unknown to them.

Over the years Memorial Day also included those who were retired and those who are still in the service. A lot of times my husband Ronnie, who served in the US Army for five years and US Air Force reserve two years would be asked: Did you serve in the military sir?

He would answer yes, then the person asking the question would say “Thank you for serving the country.” Often times the one asking the question would engage Ronnie in a long conversation about grandfathers and brothers serving in the military as well.

Freebies are also given to retired military personnel. And I am awed by this patriotic gesture. I guess I am nationalistic then and am always reminded of the soldiers and cops who died in the service.

Me and my daughter waving the American flag

The singing of the American national anthem during these times when they honor the men and women in uniform give me goosebumps.

I don’t have a family member back in the Philippines who served in the military but I‘ve got friends who have family and friends who do and did and I am proud of them.

I thought and wondered; if the living veterans were forgotten, how much more those that went ahead in this life? We all have this sense of nationalism that gets roused from time to time. For me, it's looking at the veterans and hearing the national anthem, both Philippine and American.

My sense of nationalism was awakened when I heard Rommel Olarte leading the Pambansang Awit in the recent Flores de Mayo celebration here in Charlotte.

Rommel Olarte is a graduate of the Philippine Military Academy who loves singing. His rendition of the Philippine national anthem reminded me of how we Filipinos treat our soldiers back home.

Rommel graduated from the Philippine Military Academy in 1994 (a military school built by the US in 1905). As a cadet, he was in charge of the band, Men in Grey (MIG).

His band of four years performed in different musical events such as Rock Against Drugs at the Baguio Convention Center in 1991. He was a member of the choir and glee club and performed at the televised Concert at the Park in Intramuros, Manila.

Rommel was also chosen as one of two Academy men to wax the multi-voice recordings for a documentary film. He was one of the lucky former soldiers who made a better life for himself in the US.

I have noticed old or retired soldiers roaming the streets of Cagayan de Oro City, Misamis Oriental in northern Mindanao, Philippines where I used to live and they seem faded and lacking in care and attention.

One veteran I saw in my mind wore a faded uniform. Nobody is taking care of them, let alone be interested in what they did for the country. I hope and pray that Filipinos, like the Americans, take care of their aging veterans and pay homage to what they did to liberate the country from oppression.

With my husband Ronnie, himself a war veteran

(Susan Palmes-Dennis is a veteran journalist from Cagayan de Oro City, Misamis Oriental, Northern Mindanao in the Philippines who works as a nanny in North Carolina. This page will serve as a venue for news and discussion on Filipino communities in the Carolinas. Visit and read her website at www.susanpalmes-dennis.simplesite.com. Read her blogs on susanpalmesstraightfrom the Carolinas.com. These and other articles also appear at http://www.sunstar.com.ph/author/2582/susan-palmes-dennis.

You can also connect with her through her Pinterest account at http://www.pinterest.com/pin/41025046580074350/) and https://www.facebook.com/pages/Straight-from-the-Carolinas-/494156950678063)

The Flores de Mayo of my youth

by Susan Palmes-Dennis

As I watched the Flores de Mayo celebration at St. Matthew Church in Charlotte, North Carolina sponsored by the Fil-American Community of the Carolinas (FACC) last Saturday, my mind wandered down memory lane to my childhood spent commemorating the Flores de Mayo of my hometown.

Back home in Tagoloan town, Misamis Oriental in northern Mindanao, Philippines, the month of May means a full moon every night and a river of blue and green that beckons to everyone to swim in its pristine waters.

The children then would be herded to the church- there was no mall that time and the church was not only a place of worship but a place for the family to actually hang out.

There wasn’t Twitter or Facebook back then; whenever the parish priest announces Mass, everyone is expected to be informed about it a day beforehand.

Flores de Mayo is actually for the Blessed Virgin Mary or Mama Mary. To me, Flores de Mayo meant escape from the drudgery of household chores. To me, church was fun because I would attend Sunday School and know more friends.

My Flores de Mayo was inside the Catholic Church in Tagoloan town. It’s a time-honored festival when  the land is teeming with flowers and fine sunny weather. That was the time when everyone would wear “abanico”, big or small to fend off the heat or kill an insects.

To me Flores de Mayo and the time spent in Church instilled in me the love for Mass and the memories of the mysteries, the Hail Holy Queen and the litanies.

Festival

The Flores de Mayo is a month-long event that culminates in a religious-historical-cultural procession/parade and pageant called Santacruzan… where the winning beauty is crowned Reina Elena (Queen Elena).

The Santacruzan is that part of the festival that commemorates the discovery of the True Cross of Christ in Jerusalem in 321 AD by St. Helena, the mother of Constantine the Great.

Back home in Tagoloan, from 2 pm to 4 pm, my sisters, cousins, brothers and in fact the whole neighborhood would be gathered in church and learn the rosary. We recite the rosary and afterwards we offer flowers to Mary.

It was the time when all flowers—roses, bougainvillea, daisies, carnations, dahlia and others will be offered to the Virgin Mary. 

My siblings and I would get flowers, sometimes without permission, from friends and neighbors. Our favorite was the bougainvillea of the late Iya Puring Pacheco.

But she would know that somebody was getting flowers because the dogs were noisy and we have to run for our lives sometimes, leaving without the flowers and left with scars from thorns instead. Oh the things we do for the love of Mama Mary.

When flowers were scarce, the “marpagayo” and other greens was chopped and cut” as flowers. I think the church attendants there were having a grand time sweeping the floors after the catechism.

Good memories

Those who are always present would earn a stamp for the end of the month prizes that include rosaries, prayer book, and food.

I remember my teachers were Alde Mariano, Betty Sanches, Gilda Valdehuesa, Mrs. Factrura, and many more.

At the end of the month, there’s a ceremony for Mama Mary where all the girls would wear white clothes and veil and carry a basket filled with flowers.

The girls who were lucky enough to be picked by the teachers to play as angels would wear good shoes, socks and clothes to go along with their taped feather wings.

I remember one time I did wear wings, it was heavy on my back and I went to the back row to join the mortals. I did memorize the rosary without fail.

Those were good memories and I smiled as I remembered them while watching the Flores de Mayo at St. Matthew Church along with past FACC president Dr. Nini Bautista, Nena and Paul Amigo and the rest of the Fil-American community in Charlotte, North Carolina one fine afternoon last Saturday.

(Susan Palmes-Dennis is a veteran journalist from Cagayan de Oro City, Misamis Oriental, Northern Mindanao in the Philippines who works as a nanny in North Carolina. This page will serve as a venue for news and discussion on Filipino communities in the Carolinas. Visit and read her website at www.susanpalmes-dennis.simplesite.com. Read her blogs on susanpalmesstraightfrom the Carolinas.com. These and other articles also appear at http://www.sunstar.com.ph/author/2582/susan-palmes-dennis.

You can also connect with her through her Pinterest account at http://www.pinterest.com/pin/41025046580074350/) and https://www.facebook.com/pages/Straight-from-the-Carolinas-/494156950678063)

Recalling my toilet experiences

by Susan Palmes-Dennis

My Paris trip last year made me realize that there are many ways that a woman cleans her privates.

When we arrived at the condominium from the airport I really wanted to pee (in the Philippines we refer to pee as ‘jingle) and on entering the bathroom I was surprised to see two toilet seats colored white.

While I sat at the first one, I examined the second toilet seat. Since it was clean and the bathroom smelled good I sat on it. There was a faucet near my back and it just dawned on me that it’s used to wash my butt and my “thing.” 

Photo taken from bidetsplus.com

I sat on it and tried to figure out how to use the faucet at the back and sure enough it worked. 

Looking back, I laughed and wondered,  how did I ever manage to use it?

I didn’t tell Karen, my travel companion, about how proud I was of my little discovery. 

With my discovery I mused about my own “toilet experiences” in the Philippines.

The 'kabo'
Back home in the Philippines, specifically in Tagoloan town, Misamis Oriental in Northern Mindanao,  I use a plastic “tabo”  (dipper or scooper) in taking a bath and in fetching water from a pail or basin of water whenever I pee or uhm, take a dump. 

Unless I bathe in the river (obviously I don’t pee or take a dump there) then I don’t need a “tabo.”  As I moved up in the world, there were changes I had to adjust to and that includes using a modern bathroom or toilet.

Photo taken from come2philippines.com.

The “tabo” as Tagalogs call it or “kabo” as the Visayans say it, is easy to use in the toilet where it’s placed either at the side or at the back of the homemade toilet seat. 

Don’t ask me what the toilet seat is made of…suffice it to say it’s adequate for my needs then.

The “kabo” or “tabo” I started out with is made from coconut shell which remains my favorite. It’s better than the milk cans I used as “kabo.” 

The “kabo” is also used in the kitchen but don’t get me wrong. One “kabo” stays in the kitchen while another one is designated at the toilet which in the Philippine countryside is separately located from the main house.

Hand-crank
Recalling my toilet experience in the Philippines led me to searching Google for the toilet practices and facilities in other countries.

There I learned that in France, toilet sanitation was augmented by the invention of the bidet in the 1710s. With the improvements to plumbing in the mid- to late 19th century, the bidet moved from the bedroom (where it was kept with the chamber pot) to the bathroom.

Stone toilets in Jerusalem. Taken from Wikipedia.

According to Wikipedia, modern bidets use a stream of warm water to cleanse the genitals and anus. 

Before modern plumbing, bidets sometimes had a hand-crank to achieve the same effect. 

Wikipedia also states further that the bidet is commonplace in many European countries, especially in Spain (30 percent), Portugal (70 percent) and Italy (95 percent), and also in Japan where approximately half of all households have a form of bidet (often combined with the toilet in a single appliance). It is also very popular in the Middle East.

In India and the Indian subcontinent, over 95 percent of the population use water with or without soap for cleansing the anal area after defecation. 

Cleaning
In places where water is scarce or not closely available, a stone or similar hard material is used instead. The use of toilet paper like in the Western World is rare in these places and is seen only in some urban and Westernized societies. 

The cleaning of hands after this cleansing process is mandatory and is done using soap. If soap is unavailable, soil, ash or sand could be used to clean the used hand or both hands. Modern toilets use spray bidets. 

Taken from WikiHow.com

Older toilets may or may not have a running water source, but buckets, bails and mugs are used for storage and for cleaning. 

So my big discovery back in Paris which I hid from Karen, my travel companion, for fear of exposing my ignorance is the “bidet.” That’s it. 

In the course of my journalism career, I attended a lot of seminars which required me to stay overnight in hotels which had different toilet facilities. 

I remembered going on a study tour in Australia with 11 members of the Cagayan de Oro Press Club and it took me some time to learn how to use the bathroom especially how to use the bathtub and shower head. 

There were so many buttons and I was confused which one to use to clean my butt and which one had hot or cold water. It took me a day to learn how to use it. During that time, I missed using my old “kabo.”

Now that I live here in the US, I have to learn how to use the modern toilet otherwise I’d end up all smelly. On second thought, I realized that even if you shower every day, you still wind up sweaty at the end of the day.  If you have time, do visit my blogs and website listed below. See you there.

(Susan Palmes-Dennis is a veteran journalist from Cagayan de Oro City, Misamis Oriental, Northern Mindanao in the Philippines who works as a nanny in North Carolina. This page will serve as a venue for news and discussion on Filipino communities in the Carolinas. See her website at www.susanpalmes-dennis.simplesite.com. Read her blogs on susanpalmesstraightfrom the Carolinas.com. These and other articles also appear at http://www.sunstar.com.ph/author/2582/susan-palmes-dennis. 
You can also connect with her through her Pinterest account at http://www.pinterest.com/pin/41025046580074350/)https://www.facebook.com/pages/Straight-from-the-Carolinas-/494156950678063)

Removing that pesky facial hair

                                         Some advice from Trisha60 on her YouTube channel

by Susan Palmes-Dennis

I had no idea when the hair first appeared on my face. I am talking about hair all over my face and it's quite horrible. Imagine I had hair on my upper chin, hair above the brow and everywhere on my face.

One morning I had a sideburn already. Next thing I know, I was plucking out the hairs with my red tweezer and kept on plucking to no avail. I saw to my horror that the hairs already thickened on my upper chin.

It looked as if my eyebrow went down to my chin. I was scared that I may get a goatee one of these days. Here in the US, they describe this facial hair on the chin and cheeks as “whiskers." 

Taken from themetapicture.com

Whatever it's called it's unwanted hair to me. I was alarmed. Me with facial hair? 

I'm not a “he”, I am a she. No doubt about it, at my age I don’t doubt my femininity and I love being a woman.

Do you know there are people who would freak out if they see facial hair? 

I don’t blame them actually. I feel ugly seeing those facial hairs. This facial hair is becoming a problem to me.

Taken from WikiHow

How would you describe yourself when you wake up one morning and seeing yourself covered with facial hair? 

Is it an overnight hair overgrowth? Spare me a minute as I tell you how I discovered my facial hair growth.

Due to the fast pace of life in the US, I sometimes didn't have enough time to attend to my personal appearance other than the customary brushing of teeth, washing of the face and applying light makeup.

Light make up consists of matte lipstick in the morning and SPF. That’s it. One day last year when I was readying myself for exams in my paralegal class, I went to the bathroom to see if I was presentable.

I thought I saw a woman with a mustache when I entered the rest room. I thought she looked familiar. A closer look at the mirror, though, showed that the woman was me. Oh God, it was me.

Taken from www.wax-strips.com.

But I'm a woman, not a man. I looked horrible. It was shocking to see me with that facial hair. 

What happened to me yesterday that I became a he and sported a cute beard.

Believe you me I ended up covering my upper lip and mouth throughout the night and I couldn't wait to go home and start plucking or shaving the facial hair. 

The problem was, the faster and harder I plucked, the tougher the facial hair got.

I thought of shaving it off, but I remembered what happened to my legs; years ago hair on my legs were just normal and when I started shaving the hair fought back and I had to work on it overtime. Tsk tsk.

So with the option of shaving out of the way, I tried to use commercial wax but the wax glued my upper lip to my nose, exposing my teeth. Really it did.

So here I am having to deal with my pesky facial hair and dreaming up ways on how to remove it, if not once and for all, at least down to a barest minimum. Any ideas out there?

                    
                                          Some tips from Tia Shorts on her YouTube channel

(Susan Palmes-Dennis is a veteran journalist from Cagayan de Oro City, Misamis Oriental, Northern Mindanao in the Philippines who works as a nanny in North Carolina. This page will serve as a venue for news and discussion on Filipino communities in the Carolinas. Read her blogs on susanpalmesstraightfrom the Carolinas.com. These and other articles also appear at http://www.sunstar.com.ph/author/2582/susan-palmes-dennis. 

You can also connect with her through her Pinterest account at http://www.pinterest.com/pin/41025046580074350/)https://www.facebook.com/pages/Straight-from-the-Carolinas-/494156950678063)

About vaginal health

by Susan Palmes-Dennis

It's awkward for the general populace to mention the word “vagina.” The mere mention startles those within hearing distance unlike “penis” which most of us don't have a problem with.

"I mean, you can say 'penis” without effect. The word vagina is not openly talked about much less shown to other people. 

Is vagina still a forbidden word even here in the US? Don’t get me wrong I'm not talking about the vagina per se. I'm talking about the doctor’s visit. 

I don’t know with the others but for me even in my age it's still a tall order to visit the obstetrician. I was reminded about my difficulty after reading a Facebook post from a friend mentioning her visit at the doctor's office and exposing herself to the doctor for examination.

Reading between the lines I can tell she doesn't love doing it but she has no choice.  I don't want to talk about the sexual aspects because I don't want to be in trouble.

Remember the movie The Back-up Plan starring Jennifer Lopez and Alex O’Loughlin, where the doctor played by Robert Klein examining her vagina in the presence of the husband” 

The doctor mentioned about her husband being uncomfortable about hearing the word vagina and to make him feel at ease, he repeatedly mentioned vagina.

Believe me even at my age I am still shy when I visit my doctor to undergo examination. Call it vagina-shy.

From Wikipedia

As you can see at the doctor’s office I am given a white gown and told to remove the underwear. 

Even if it is a female doctor’s assistant it is still uncomfortable to undress and undergo examination. The cool air isn't a comfort either.

The waiting is also an agony if the doctor came late and you are undressed already.

Then when the doctor arrives and the preliminaries are dispensed with, you are asked to lay down and he or she is facing your vagina. Again, I don’t know with the others but for me I wanted the checkup done immediately.

So many reasons I can think of why I am conscious with the visit: the smell, the face, texture, hair, and all.

Do you know that as we grow older the vagina changes appearance in its size and especially its width. I can tell because now I have to look at the diameter of the  underwear which is also wide. 
Of course the smell is always there so I want to check myself right after I cleaned myself. As the body changes I guess the vagina also changes.

In the Philippines at least my last obstetrician is a friend, Dr. Caroline Orimaco,  and we just laugh about it and I don’t care if she has seen it. 

You see it isn't easy to be a woman. It would be easy to see that doctors don’t mind seeing vaginas anymore because in their life time they have seen so many vaginas and they don’t remember a specific vagina for one patient. 

Excuse me I think they still do.

Taken from centerforvaginalhealth.com

Last month was women’s month so there were many concerns raised about being a woman but among the most timely and personal issues is the health of a woman's vagina.

Since health is very important, a lot of us women have to expose ourselves to the “prying eyes” of the doctor which I call that vagina-probe. 

Pardon me, I'm just speaking out my crazy mind.

But there comes a time when one forgets about being shy and sensitive because one's health is important. When I came here in the US five years ago the first month was spent undergoing medical examinations for pneumonia, polio, tetanus, HIV, flu and yes, the vagina.

Undergoing a vagina examination made me conscious. But there was a time when I felt something was wrong with me and I had to undergo a vagina examination and any thoughts of embarassment flew out of the window because I am concerned about my health.

We women undergo pap smear, pregnancy tests, before and after delivery and all kinds of examinations on our vaginas. Rather than be embarrassed, we should be proud of our vaginas. 

By the way, I recommend reading 'The Vagina Wears Diamonds' on the Open website. Also, 'Siddharth's Inner Voice', though it isn't available online.

(Susan Palmes-Dennis is a veteran journalist from Cagayan de Oro City, Misamis Oriental, Northern Mindanao in the Philippines who works as a teacher assistant  in North Carolina. This page will serve as a venue for news and discussion on Filipino communities in the Carolinas. Read her blogs on susanpalmesstraightfrom the Carolinas.com. These and other articles also appear at http://www.sunstar.com.ph/author/2582/susan-palmes-dennis. You can also connect with her through her Pinterest account at http://www.pinterest.com/pin/41025046580074350/)https://www.facebook.com/pages/Straight-from-the-Carolinas-/494156950678063)